Just a Question of Time!

Is there a time when you just have resistance to do anything at all in Life?...Even move from one place to another?...Even to fill your bottle of water?...I generally have this feeling on Sundays....But dont know why i feel this on my working day this time..This resistance coupled with not wanting to talk to anyone is a dangerous combination...Coz it then leads me to a super thinking mode which can actually be thinking about anything under the sun...or simply frustrates me that i am unable to do anything i want to do...and what i want to do would vary from...maybe...running...to painting..to start playing badminton again...to travel by train to a destination which will atleast take me one day to reach...to maybe be on the very flight which has taken off from the airport and has just flown above me...or maybe just be back home in Pune in my room near the window... maybe just sit with my parents in their room and talk...or maybe walk along window-shopping on the most crowded road in Pune...or just racing on the signal on our Yamaha YBX...or maybe just go to a village and stay there helping out people...teaching the children there...walking on wet sand on the beach which leaves my footprint just for seconds on the sand before taking another shape....

All these thoughts keep soaring in my head and then i think...What am i doing here?...Do i really want to be here?...Is this what i want to do in my life?...More often than not...I dont find answers to what i ask myself...and i feel ignoring the question might dilute my want for an answer...but it just keeps coming back...all the time-every time!..and then neither can i hide what i feel...nor do i want to answer anyone who sees my face and questions me "Whats wrong"?....The problem is i cant hide what i think or feel...not so much as in words...but in my expression and my voice..and honestly...I really dont want to answer anyone in life on anything at all...coz one answer leads to another question and so on...But i do know of so many ppl who are able to hide their emotions and thought process...and i am in awe of such ppl...coz to have the ability to not show what one feels is amazing...frankly- i have never managed it...whenever I am happy...it reflects and i say so...and when I am upset-it reflects and i say so....My 10th Std teacher had told me once..."Uttara, you are a open book, your face and voice reflects everything"...and looks like i am stuck with this for life....

But theres one thing that gives me solace...If i feel resistance now...i will feel something else in some time...nothing remains constant...and neither will this feeling...Its just a question of remembering this fact everytime...that in some time things will change again...for Sure!...A colleague of mine got transferred to hyd from today and i I felt a little down for some time in the morning coz i was so used to the person being around...but then i have felt this before--When i left my first job...when i got transferred to Bombay from Pune and on my last day in Pune office i was upset on leaving behind memories of 2 years.. when a colleague of mine left the organization same time last year...when 2 more colleagues left in May...when another friend went to a new department in June...everytime i had felt bad..and every time the feeling went off in some time...and i know even this one will go...

The only thing i need to remember that nothing is constant...things will change...Its just a question of Time!!